Hi there

This is just going to be my way of getting a few thoughts down and sure if you want to read them brill if not..no worries! Look out for them...I think I'll post an pet peev of mine...public transport! It's a demeaning way to travel! I was definitely put on this earth to drive around in an open top sports car that goes 0-100 in 3 seconds!

The Life of a Commuter

By Ciara Fitzgerald

As I type, I am sitting on a bus. It is part of my daily routine, up at 7am to catch the 8am bus and back again in the evening. It’s a terrific service, on the hour, every hour and rarely late. However, my mind is slowly being driven mad. My daily routine is becoming so infuriating, so maddening, so absolutely frustrating, I really need quite a large dose of something to calm me down!

It’s all the other people you see, who travel on the bus….they’re horrid! I’m sure you’ve met them too. Mrs Handbag, surely your ear has been clipped on more than one occasion as she scuttles down the aisle for a seat, oblivious to the harm and GBH she causes. She is out ranked though by Joe Student, whose backpack can quite literally remove and ear. Far be it that either of them gives the slightest thought to their victims who had the mis-guided idea or the misfortune of choosing and aisle seat. 

Then there’s Mr. Executive Newspaper Man, I know you’ve met him, he doesn’t read the rag sheets, oh no, he reads the extra wide super sized ones, that are full of deeply riveting articles that renders him quite unaware of anyone sitting beside him who might require air to breath, and maybe would like to see anything other than print in their face.

 Then there’s Mr and Mrs We’re Going To Dublin For The Day, they bring a fully packed lunch, comprised of Tea, Coffee and many assorted packed sandwiches which they noisily devour, chomping away on apples and dropping orange peel all over the floor, so naturally everyone else has to pick them up. Is this fully packed feast really necessary before 7.15am!

 Of course, no bus journey would be complete without Little Miss or Mr. Toddler, selfishly squealing about what they want right now, or else! Naturally mostly they want the loo, and sometimes can’t hold on for one.

 And one of my least favorite travelling companions is Mr. Man, you’ve met him right? Can’t sit on just one seat, you see he has to keep his legs spread at least 1 meter apart, and his elbow must, absolutely must, dig into the person sitting next to him.

 I can’t write this piece without mentioning Mr and Ms God I haven’t Seen You In Ages, We Must Catch Up On Everything No!. How difficult is it to keep a conversation down to within immediate ear shot, not 20 rows back ear shot. I’m not interested in where either drink now or how many holidays they’ve been on!

 Mr Laptop doesn’t impress me either. But Ms Laptop is ok (says I cos I’m on one!!) And there is no way I would ever under normal circumstances travel with, or have anything to do with, Mr. Pick His Nose or Mrs Pick Her Nose either (can’t be gender biased on this one) They never have a hanky and I don’t even want to think were they wipe their hands afterwards!  

I have seen on many occasions Mr Must Put My Seat Back To Have A Nap, for the love of all that is right, why on earth would anyone do this? Do you not realize then you squash the poor person behind you???

 And you know I can’t leave out Young Man Baggy Sweatpants, he might as well bring a ghetto blaster, cos the track that’s playing in his ears, that usually sounds like it’s stuck, can be heard all over the bus!

 Of course you do know I’m leaving my ultimate pet hate till last don’t you? Think about it, who have I left out? Mr. Mrs. Ms. Any Age, Any Race, Any Social Group Mobile ****** Phone!!!! Oh God help me, but if I could eliminate anyone from the planet in thee most painful slowest most horrific way possible it would be this person. Why, please tell me WHY, must you shout into your phone. You can’t hear the other person because YOUR ON A BUS, they’re not! Why must your ringtone be set at 100 decibels? It’s a phone for your personal use, your not supposed to hear it on the opposite side of the dual carriage way. Why does your conversation, which has to sound like it’s spoken through a megaphone, have to last the entire journey? Do you not realize, how incredibly rude, annoying, frustrating, irritating, did I mention rude this is? Seriously! My ear drums will either be totally fried due to their incessant noise, or because Ive to constantly raise the volume on my Ipod just to drown out their ear grating conversations and run the risk therefore of turning into Youngman Baggypants myself!

So you see guy’s, I’m a tad wound up! I miss my car! Why did I have to crash the damned thing!  Right now, as I type Mrs Mobile Phone is telling us all about some meeting she has to go to, and how she lost the spreadsheet for the presentation, Mother of Divine!!! I swear if she doesn’t hang up soon, I’ll hang her!!! Perhaps the universe is trying to teach me a lesson on patience, understanding, and appreciation of something? Or perhaps I will become a serial killer, time will tell!!!